This post is a continuation from an internal FaceBook page which I was unable to post the entirety of my thoughts.
THE ORIGINAL POST:
THE STORY (my response):
I've been thinking about it since the question came up...
watching what shows up. Jason - your answer is a WHY (feels good). The other
part of the query is WHAT you do (to achieve WHY). Subtle but, 'what' is the
vehicle or route, and 'why' is the intended destination. It seems to me, that
this is the heart of all emotional and spiritual suffering in the world.
In the following analogy, I’m going to be using Buddhism as
a sounding board for demonstration. Please don’t take offense to the
deconstruction; the real point is trying to illustrate the ramifications of a
disconnected Why and What in our lives.
An analogy would go
something like this: Pretend you're in NYC, with a twist. The buildings or
destinations within the city are actually emotional states or states of being,
personal achievements or goals we set. For example if you were to get into a
taxi and say "I'd like to explore the Feeling Good Towers" to the
driver. You might assume he'd just take the quickest most expedient route. But
in this NYC, you also have to tell the driver WHAT route to take (how would he
know what that means to you?). So, you say "I heard about this route that
goes through the Buddhist tunnel, it’s an express route. But to get there we
have to take Meditation Ave. by way of Compassion St. So take a left up here at
the Desire Renunciation statue and you can get to Compassion St.”, “Got it
buddy, put your seatbelt on” says the cabby.
As you turn left at the statue you’re able to take a few
pictures, so you’ll remember how to get to the destination, Feeling Good. In
passing, you note that you don’t really understand why the oddly shaped and
contorted statue bust is called Desire Renunciation. It leaves you with a
conflicted feeling, not sure that this is the right route, but no matter this
is how you’ve been told by a reputable source to get to the destination.
You notice that in all the cars passing have people in them
looking out at the scenery as well. On Compassion St. everyone seems happy. In the face of one gentleman in another taxi
you recognize the same conflicted feeling as you have. He must have just turned
past Desire Renunciation statue too, you muse to yourself. He notices you
looking at him, immediately that conflicted feeling is wiped away on his face,
giving you a compassionate smile and nod. You nod, and smile back likewise, so
this is what compassion is, you think to yourself. Feeling conflicted, and
smiling about it must somehow remove that conflicted feeling.
Its rush hour and Compassion St. is a main thorough fare to
many other paths that all the other people in the city are taking. Traffic is
at a crawl, and your head and emotional state are really in a funk now. But
you’re smiling and nodding at everyone in the cars around you. The cabby turns
around in his seat and says this always happens at this time of day. He also
says that he needs to do some research at the nearby library and offers a
discount on the cab fare if you don’t mind coming in with him to the library.
You agree, thinking that it’s best to do something productive with your time
like gaining knowledge.
In the library, you decide that it would be really
interesting to do some research on the Buddhist tunnel. Its history, the making
of and upgrade plans for the future. It’s all very fascinating stuff, you learn
about John Morality and Keith Karma, founders of the tunnel. They helped to
guide the city in the right direction when there was a choice between a tunnel
and a bridge. Barry Wisdom, the current
Mayor of NY, who has plans on upgrading the entire structure, so that all forms
of transit can run through the Buddhist tunnel in the future. Well you think this is wonderful, I’m so glad
I choose to feel good by taking this route. Buoyed by your new knowledge, you
confidently strut out smiling compassionately at others walking by and even
stop to tell them the Morality and Karma story that you’ve read. Meeting up
again with the cabby you resume the journey. Traffic has tapered off now and
you quickly get to the last street before the tunnel.
Meditation Avenue is a strange place. The speed limit seems
to be as slow as a car can possibly go. You’re really anxious to get there now
and you’re finding it tough to sit still. Looking out of the window at the
other cars around, you are startled to see the look on other’s faces. Its bliss
and contentment completely opposite of how your feeling! Well that’s really
strange you think, maybe I’ll try that to help me ease this anxiety. Back in
the library, you’d done some research on Meditation Ave. as well. You prepare
yourself holding all the knowledge you’ve gained thinking about the brave work
of Morality and dogged dutiful work of Karma, relaxing into the thought that
you’ll get to the destination someday. Time passes, you’re really beginning to
like Meditation Ave now. You think to yourself wow! They should have named it
Peace St. or just made it a dead end Peace Ct. even. You hold the thought of
“Feeling Good” in your mind knowing someday you’ll get there. You still are
excited to get to feeling good, but this makes the ride so much better. Years pass, and turn into a decade. You’re
still feeling good because you know you’re going somewhere, life is
progressing. There is this gnawing feeling though, that something just isn’t
right. There’s something wrong and you can’t put your finger on what. You look
up and around at the other people slowly moving in the cars beside you. They’re
all still blissed out, content, compassionate and without desire. What is it
you think.. what could be wrong? How could your route of seeming bliss,
apparent contentment, and outward compassion still leave you with an unmet
desire?
At this point in our analogy I’d like to take a step back
and acknowledge that this is not attempting to be a complete map of the human
psyche. Keep your willing suspension of disbelief intact if you see holes or
flaws in the analogy or ways that we operate which aren’t represented here. That
disqualifier mentioned, back to our story…
A few more years pass and the dissonance grows in your head,
not lessens. Finally you can’t stand it anymore and lean forward to address the
driver. “Hey, there’s a cross street coming up, can we get off Meditation and
take Discontent St. around and get to the tunnel that way?” The cabby meets
your gaze, pauses as if to say “you sure that’s what you want to do?”. You read
his intention and say “Yeah, just do it I don’t feel like we’ll ever get to
Feeling Good by this route”
As if by some unseen force, the way in front of you seems to
clear, the car accelerates and veers left at Discontent St. The wind in your
hair and sun shining down on you now it’s almost like you’re already at Feeling
Good. Opening your eyes now taking in the scenery you look around at all the
other people on Discontent. You’re shocked to see a very different sight that
what you’re used to. There are people crying, arguing and others walking slowly
or even sitting by themselves on the sidewalk. You also notice that there seems
to be clouds in the sky now. Dark clouds, very dark clouds that look like
they’re about to release some very serious and real rain. A Moment later a
thunderclap and the clouds release their payload, instantly the rain pours out
and onto the scene before you.
Taking in the surreal scene in front of you it occurs to you
that this is real. Real in the sense that these people are expressing feelings
that you have felt for some years now. You were struggling ever since that
first turn so long ago at Desire Renunciation. And now it all comes flooding
out, you scream “I JUST WANT TO GET TO FEELING GOOD!” it feels great to let
that out. A sense of relief washes over you like the rain flowing now in rivers
through the street, finally something real.
As the car continues down the street you recognize some others here that
you’ve seen in your journey. The gentleman who you met gaze with on Compassion
St is here. It looks like he’s engaged in an argument with a woman around his
same age. As you pass you catch a few snippets of the conversation through the
open windows. ..”Didn’t I tell you this route was useless?” he screams,
immediately the woman retorts “SHHHH.. don’t speak so loud, we’ll get to Peace
Fountain soon enough.”
Peace Fountain? Don’t they know we’re going to Feeling Good
Towers? But it’s too late; your car has already passed them and the couple is
out of earshot. You take a right and
they are quickly out of sight. Slumping back into your seat, the argument is
still ringing in your ears. “Hey where are we now?” you ask the cabby. “Doubt
Ave.” he replies slowly. But you aren’t really listening anymore, Peace
Fountain is echoing in your head. You start replying in your head the journey
you’ve been on. Each step, each turn and experience you’ve had, wondering,
questioning. You wish you had that guy here that originally told you about this
route to feeling good. You’ve got a lot to ask him you think to yourself. A
sense of disconnect starts to seep in. Struggling with the need to repress the
desire of having your guide here with you only makes it worse.
Again the car takes a right, and the cabby leans back and
shouts over a rumbling outside “Anger St, almost there!” Shaken from your
internal thoughts, instantly it wells up in you. Damn! You’re livid, and raging
at the guide. How could he steer you wrong? Did he just waste your life?
Doesn’t he care? You start punching the back of the cab’s front seat. The cabby
just chuckles and nods knowingly, saying something about what a weird trip it’s
been. Barely paying attention to him you resume your tirade. You’ve spent your
entire life trying to get to Feeling Good for what? What was the point, since
it seems like the route you took was just a bunch of stuff piled on top of
other stuff. Like you’ve been chasing a carrot, and the route was just a faster
treadmill.
Then you see it! The Buddhist Tunnel dead ahead now. Thank
god you say to yourself, but it seems it slipped out of your lips, the cabby
nods and says, “You got that right buddy.” He slows the vehicle down to match
the pace of all the other cars merging from Meditation Ave. You notice a reader
board flashing some information above the tunnel sign. It reads – “Buddhist
Tunnel construction schedule: Route closed to Peace Fountain, Nirvana park,
Feeling Good towers.”
You read the sign again in disbelief, this time it sinks
in. Stunned, your mouth agape, the cabby
turns around and says “Looks like we gotta turn left here at Desire
Renunciation statue. I took a guy to Feeling Good Towers last week, but we went
over Christianity Bridge to get there. Shall we try that route?”
You look up, and see that statue you passed so many years
ago. It dawns on you that you haven’t traveled a single block. You’re at the
same place you started from, the feeling of Déjà vu washes over you. Shaking
your head to wash out the flood of emotions and thoughts that are washing over
you like cold water. Back in the present now, you smile and say “no no man
don’t worry about it I’ll just get out here.” The cabby nods and starts
calculating the fare. You say “hey, don’t worry about it, here just take this”
you reach into your wallet and pull out your life experience punch card and
with a sense of completion and thankfulness hand it over to him. He puts
another hole in the already punch ridden paper looking at you as if to say, do
you need this back. But you’re not looking anymore, you get up, out of the cab
stretch and look around. Maybe there’s another cab empty around here, or maybe
not, maybe you’ll just take a look around for a while…
